I really shouldn't be writing this now...my head is supposed to be in an essay on identity...but in a way this post does go towards that.

My identity as a photographer...

I suppose at the outset I should say I class myself as an amateur who would love to be a pro but feel that I am in no way near that status....hence the title of the blog....

Since I was about 16, I am now 39, I have had a camera of some sort in my hand, mainly point and shoots cause I have not been fortunate enough to have the money to get an SLR.  (That was until a couple of years back when I had saved enough for my Pentax...my dream camera.)  Every image was special to me...it was the world through my eyes.  I don't know how many rolls of film I had processed, but I do know that there were quite a few.

I enjoyed slipping the reel over the cogs and winding it on...the sounds and feel of the camera in my hand and the anticipation of something happening...I can feel them now as I write this ahhh...it's almost erotic.  Most times when I went out of course not much in the way of drama happened.  I suppose in those early days I didn't know what I was looking for to shoot, I just knew that it felt natural to have a camera in my hands.  I so dreamed of having an SLR but knew that it wasn't possible at that time so I made do with what I had.

I remember taking some shots that went WHOA...well in my eyes anyway, and thought I should submit these to Nat Geo to see if they like them.  One in particular I remember was taken at Lake Burly Griffin.  My family and I had driven from Sydney that day ...just for a day trip.  The skies were starting to get heavy with storm clouds but the sun was still shining and all of a sudden there was lightning flashing around.  The colours and formations were spectacular and the reflections on the lake were mind blowing.  By sheer arse I managed to get a bolt of lightning striking in the distance, reflecting on the lake. Unfortunately I do not have that shot in print now due to life happening, but I still see it in my eyes and remember the day.

For many years my photography was constrained to pix of family  and outings but I was never really happy with the shots. I have not liked taking pictures of people and believe that they actually spoil the scene.  So I suppose from the early days I have enjoyed landscape photography.  Yeah sure I had images that said awww isn't that cute...kid with face smothered with chocolate at Easter and the obligatory Christmas shoots.  Good memories but really they are just for a certain few people in the community, namely family.  I wanted more and still do.

I knew I could take pictures...I can show people the beauty that is around them, I see them as I drive and walk around and say to myself often...'whoa that's a pic'. and I try to take it as I see it, seeing as I have my camera with me wherever I go.  I suppose I just want people to know there is a world out there beyond their 4 walls.

In recent times, I have been able to explore my environs more extensively.  Without the constraints of family the natural has taken full attention.  I have been able to get to places I never have dreamed possible and the people around me have facilitated that and I am grateful to them for that.

But in saying that I still feel like my images are bottom of the range.  I see the images here and other places on the net and in galleries and I feel as though my shots are just that...shots...something that only family members want to look at and even then feel as though they even don't like the images I produce.  It raises questions in my mind ...do I really know what an image is?  will others like what I produce?  Do others really like what I do? Or are the comments I receive just people pleasing?  Do people REALLY like my images???

I have thousands of images sitting on my hard drive right now that I have not processed, partly because I have not been here to do the job but also because I don't think they are good enough for public showing.  I know I should put them out there and see what others say but to be honest I don't know if they are good enough. 

I really like what I produce, but I know that art is subjective, everyone likes what they like.  But as the post header says...feeling inadequate...I really would love to fulfil my dream...which I think may be over stepping boundaries...and that is to be better the Dombrovskis.  We can all have dreams and he has big shoes to fulfil and surpass.

Well I suppose one can only dream...now to get on with life and make myself.  Will I be better than Dombrovskis...well only time will tell...in my minds eye..probably not but I can only hope...........